If two birds sit on one window, it is considered wholesome.
If three birds sit on a window, it is considered a gathering.
If I sit on a window, I am a raging bull looking for solace in a world that has parameters set for the weak.
When confronted with the mass of air that lifts my pride, I am challenged with displaying who I am.
Am I two halves of a wholesome or Am I one part of a gathering?
Given that this is my third cup of coffee and I can feel the words slipping away from me....
I am one part sparkle and one part gloom
I am one part motivated and one part engrossed with just being done with it all.
The balance is struck through a hypothetical intertwining of my personal desires and what I am expected to fulfill as an individual.
In the one hand, I am an unedited being with the desire to paint tea cups and sell iced tea in the islands and have many dogs that are content with me being their mother.
W H O L E S O M E
In the other hand, I am a fire fueled comparison to water in the darkness of my dimly lit future.
A corroding specimen in the heart of disappointment and quite frankly a loss of hope for everything I believe in. I am functioning at a biological level and not a spiritual. I am conscious of the breaths I am required to stay alive but not interested in what makes me catch my breath.
G A T H E R I N G
Its crazy because I had said, I would never be this person but here I am.
Governed by survival, I am aware that at any point the lack of luster in my eyes will cause an unyielding force of nature to overcome me.
And in the turmoil of it all, I will find the spine to ask you how my sadness has affected you and how your mind is unable to configure the subtle tones of revelation, unveiling, confession, submission FUCKING desperation in my eyes to make contact.
All they care about is how much more sadder they are than you.
Who the depression looks better on.
A coat woven by insecurity and a grip on validation.
Proof of existence.
Whose father has been dead the longest and whose mother reacted the least.
A L O N E
I am only evidence that I do not require anyone.
For two require, peace and three require placement.
- Clementine Anne Strachan
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