he left...
after all the words
after all the kisses
the scars
the lonely nights
the patience
the compromise
the paintings
the bleeding finger nails,
scrapping the barrel for reasons to stay,
but in turn he left me.
after all the smiles that fought the tears
after all the texts from you to her
and her to you
that I pretended not to see.
the panic attacks
the quaking hands after you touched me
then her
the Lisa's and the shady shit
the broken promises and darkness that was dimly lit
the gash in my heart I knit with the strings you played
and listened
after the attentiveness
the undeserved forgiveness
the attacks out of the blue
the times your drink went from cold to warm in my hands
as I waited patiently while you talked to everyone but me
after the times I waited for you to finish
after I let you even though it kind of hurt
after it started to hurt a lot
and I let it
after I went home with bruises
bruises that I didn't like
after you made me feel like it wasn't good enough
I wasn't good enough
after the tears trickled from my eyes while you pounded and pounded
after I couldn't say stop it doesn't feel like love
after I let you finish anyway
after you fucked me and it didn't feel like love anymore
after IT HURT
after I wanted to be held after
but thought maybe you were too tired to love me
or at least pretend to
after I didn't start fights so that you'd be happy
after you lied about you being happy and I hoped you'd get better
after you ignored that I was drowning in myself
after you saw the cuts but didn't acknowledge them
after you went out with our friends and told them not to say you were there
after they actually did it
after I routed for you when you were losing
after you then treated me like a loser
after you made me look stupid for loving you
after I found that you call me names behind my back but I still stayed
after that girl wanted to make out with you
and you didn't say no
but stopped by the fact that I was right there
after you flirted with the waitresses and I gritted my teeth
so that the tears in my eyes wouldn't show themselves
after you lied and lied and lied
after you treated me like a child
and I ignored it
blaming it on the fact that you were young and didn't know
because you were a boy
because you were special
because you said you love me
loved me
because you used to say you love me
after I sent you that message
the heartfelt one
the one where I showed you my heart
and you blueticked it
and I rationalised that it was because maybe you were busy
after you disrespected me and I called it a phase
after you didn't introduce me to your family
but slept in my bed
in my mom's house
with her love
with her blessing
after I trusted you
trusted that you were just going through some shit
after you told me I was made for you
after I believed you
you still left......
(22/06/2020): I am over it. This is just art now.
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